trials, experience, and triumphant death, of this Israelite indeed, in whom was no guile, in the Arminian Magazines, for the years 1783 and 1784, Vol 6th and 7th.] But to return.

About seven months after I undertook to be a servant to my mother, she was seized with a fever, and when just recovering, had a relapse which threatened to be fatal; so that for near six weeks, I had to sit up with her every other night; till at last my body began to fail. Indeed it was no wonder; for besides all my labour and fatigue, I used rigorous fasting. The doctor who attended my mother, was moved with compassion, and insisted I should no longer go on with, what he called, sacrificing my life. He spoke to Mrs. Leigh, my god-mother, who came next day in her chariot to see my mother; and to see that a proper servant, and all needful attendants should be got immediately. I was now freed from my happy toil, about eight months after I undertook it: namely, in August, 1775. But it was then nearly too late: my health had received such a wound, as it did not recover for many years.

My outward opposition now began to abate; and many of my enemies were at peace with me. And now also the Lord began to reveal in my heart, that sin was not all destroyed for tho' I had constant victory over it, yet I felt the remains of anger, pride, self-will, and unbelief often rising, which occasioned a degree of heaviness and sorrow. At first, I was much amazed to feel such things, and often tempted to think, I had lost a measure of grace: yet, when I

looked to my Lord, or whenever I approached him in secret, he shed his precious love abroad; and bare witness also with my spirit, that I was still his child. Yea, and at this time, I received many remarkable answers to prayer; many proofs of his undoubted love and good. ness to my soul: and I felt I would rather die thau offend him; so that I was a mystery to myself. I resolved, however, to use more selfdenial of all kinds; and (whatever it cost me with respect to health or life,) more fasting and prayer; for I hoped by these means, to mortify and starve the evil tempers and propensities of my nature, till they should exist no more; and if my body expired in the combat, I thought I 1 was certain of endless life. I met with some also who told me, nothing but death would end this strife! That this is the Christian's warfare, which cannot end but with the life of the body. After some time, I began to believe these miserable comforters, and of consequence, longed for nothing so much as to die: yea, I was impatient to be gone, that I might be freed from sin; for I truly felt, and more so every day,

"'Twas worse than death my God to love,

And not my God alone."

My body was reduced now to a very weak state; and I was pronounced far gone in a consumption, which I esteemed blessed tidings. I looked on myself as one that had done with earth; and cried, "O that I had wings like a dove, for then would I flee away and be at +

rest." Yea, so desirous was I to quit the vale of sin (as I called it,) here below, that I could not be prevailed on to take any thing which I believed would tend to restore my health, and, therefore, continued to decline very swiftly. In the latter end of December, I was brought so weak that I could not walk about the room without help, and soon after took my bed, seeming apparently on the verge of eternity. One day, after sitting up a little, I felt myself so weak, that I believed I should rise no more, till my soul took its flight to the bosom of Jesus. My joy, on this occasion, was inexpressible. I begged of the Lord strength to go on my knees once more; and in holy triumph committed body and soul to him for eternity. I believed my work on earth quite finished; and was filled with assurance, that the moment of death would be to me the beginning of endless glory. A taste of which I then felt; a drop out of the ocean; a beam darted from the un. clouded Sun of Righteousness, which quite pe. netrated and overwhelmed my soul, aud left me in speechless rapture at his feet. Yes, I have ever believed that what I then felt, was what those feel and experience on leaving the body, who are really dying in the Lord. But Infinite Wisdom saw good to lengthen out the thread of life; and I have often believed, it was in answer to the prayers of his children.

A few weeks after this, I felt a degree of disappointment and sorrow, on finding a measure of returning strength: just like a mariner, who got within sight of a desired port, is beat

One of

back again into a tempestuous ocean. my cousins coming to see me, recommended a strengthening medicine, which I was unwilling to use; and told him I would rather die than live. He sharply rebuked me for this; saying, "You set up your own will, while you pretend to submit to the will of God: and by not taking proper medicines, you are a murderer!" I wept, and said, I think I am resigned. He asked, "Are you willing to live forty years, if the Lord please?" I found a shrinking at the thought, and felt I could not at the moment say, I was willing. He left me, but his words made a deep impression. I fell on my knees, as soon as left alone, and cried, Lord, perfectly subdue my will. That promise was applied with much sweetness, Ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto thee." I felt assuredly, my Lord permitted me to ask life or death, and was brought to a stand. I felt a thousand fears suggested, that if I lived, I might lose what I now enjoyed of the love of God; and perhaps be one day a dishonour to his cause. But I said, "Lord, thy grace is ever sufficient; thou art as able to keep me a thousand years, as one day." Again it was suggested; if thou livest, it will be to suffer. I cried, Lord, thou canst give me suffering grace, and if, by suffering, I can in any wise glorify thee, "Not as I will, but as thou wilt." I know to die now would be instant glory. But here I am; do with me whatever thou wilt. Thou knowest all things, and seest, at one glance, past, present, and D

future. One request only, therefore, will I make; if thou knowest my life would glorify thee, I submit to thy will; willing to suffer, or to do. But if thou foreseest I should, in living, lose any measure of what thou hast bestowed; Lord, suffer me not to live any longer. Or if, hereafter, at any time, thou seest a danger of my heart departing from thee, O snatch me away to thy bosom; and let me not live a mo. ment longer than I live wholly for thee.And now, O Lord my God, I vow and promise unto thee, I will henceforth entirely renounce my own will, respecting life or death. I leave it fully in thy hands, and to thy pleasure, to take me now, or to spare me twenty, thirty, yea, forty years; or as long as thou seest my life will bring glory to thee, and profit to immortal souls; relying on thy faithful promise, given me this day, that what I ask shall be done and accounting it a solemn covenant betwixt thee and me! that whensoever thou seest me about to be overcome by trials, by temptations, or snares; so that I shall, in heart or life, depart from thee, or wound thy cause : that then thou wilt put in thy sickle, and gather me home: yea, if even at that time, I should be so foolish as to desire life. Amen and Amen." What I felt of heaven, of God, of love, at that season, cannot be expressed. I had communion with my Lord, as if face to face and could henceforth choose nothing but his will.

From this day forth, I speedily recovered